Sound Doctrine Radio


Loading ...
Winamp, iTunes Windows Media Player Real Player QuickTime

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Being Cheated On Can Leave You 'Emotionally Destroyed' — Here’s How To Move On!


By Arti Patel


Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Your Husband is NOT a Pervert, Part 2: Top 3 Ways to Help Her Understand

By Jonathan Cottrell

This is in follow-up to first-parter by Nicole's Husband! It’s a doozy.
Well I’m glad to know that my wife doesn’t think I’m a pervert. I would’ve guessed that, but it’s always good to have her own written words to point back to in our future discussions about sex.
But what about you poor fellas out there that don’t have my same fortune? You men out there with wives who think you’re just a plain sick-o that thinks about sex “all the time” and happens to be “in the mood” at the absolute worst times. Or perhaps you have a wife that gets the general gist, but could still use some coaching on what you want in the bedroom. This one’s for you, gentlemen.
Your mission, whether you choose to accept it or not, is to help your wife understand your sexual needs and wants. Easier said than done, right? Well, let’s brainstorm, guys (and ladies, we’ll even let you eavesdrop and provide your thoughts, too)…
Better Sex
Before we start, let’s identify the goal of helping your wife understand your sexuality: Better Sex. It’s a fairly straight-forward goal and one that I’m sure you support wholeheartedly. But one thing I realized very early on in marriage–and something I keep coming back to–is that the goal for better sex isn’t just me getting better sex, but that both husband and wife come to a place of mutual understanding in which they’re both contributing to better sex. In other words, it’s not just about the wife understanding her husband and that you (the husband) are not a pervert, it’s about you understanding her, too.
God had a beautiful plan worked out in making men and women so different, and we earthlings better understand that plan (though it’s inevitable that we’ll never fully understand it), the better our chances at contributing to and enjoying a more satisfying sex life. In fact, your likelihood of a better sex life will increase by 13,472.8%. (Actually, I just made that up, but I’m sure it’s in the vicinity.)
With that goal in mind, here are three ways to help you illuminate your sexual nature to your wife.
1. Establish a Baseline
While I would hope most wives understand the basic sexual needs of a man, I know that’s not the case for everyone. I think that most men going into marriage with that assumption quickly find it to be a misinformed one. So, the first step to helping your wife understand your sexuality requires you talking about your most essential sexual needs. Keep it simple.
  • How often do you need sex on a weekly basis? Whatever you do, just don’t say seven times.
  • When do you most like having sex? In the mornings, long before bed, right before you go to bed?
Be ready to talk with your wife about her needs, too, which will be very different from yours, of course. Things like:
  • How can you help her get “in the mood”?  Dimming the lights, turning on some sexy music, washing the dishes, putting the kids to bed? (Like I said, very different needs.)
  • What are her foreplay needs, time-wise?
  • Is there anything else she wants to share with you about her sexual needs? This one is bound to get you extra points.
Communication is key, here, and rather than begin listing all your weird wants and quirks, start small. Be honest about your needs. If you can’t even talk about those openly, it’s not her at fault for thinking you’re insatiable or perverted, it’s you. Baby steps.
2. Define Some Goals
Now that you’ve mutually established your baseline needs, it’s time to define some goals together. Rather than think with you know what and just blurt out something stupid, be simultaneously intentional and cautious in what and how you share. My best recommendation for sharing your sexual desires is to start by asking her. If there are any kids reading, here comes the PG-13 stuff.
  • What does she love about your sex life together? What would she change about your sex life?
  • Where would she like you to kiss her more (or perhaps, for the first time)?
  • What are some fantasies that she would like you to fulfill with her? Don’t worry, it’s love talk, not dirty talk.
The beauty of questions like these is that, by asking her first, you now have an opportunity to also share yours with her. Nicole and I recently emailed each other our list of five things we would like to experience more of in the bedroom. It was revealing… for both of us. Make your conversations about sex funNever stop learning each other. And once you know more about your respective wants, set some good old fashioned goals around those desires.
3. Work at It
That stupid magazine at the supermarket with 101 ways on how to improve your life in the bedroom will NOT magically transform your sex life. Better sex isn’t as easy as flipping a switch. It takes intentionality. Mutual determination and purpose. Candor.
The fact is, as the years tally up in marriage, it becomes increasingly important to continue working at it. Time is not an excuse to stop working at anything in marriage, and that goes for sex, too. So, with the progress you’ve made thus far, be sure to:
  • Remember your mutual sexual needs. Schedule your sex if you have to and make it a priority. If she needs the lights dimmed, then do it. If she wants the dishes washed, then definitely do it.
  • Never stop learning each other. Sexual needs and wants change over time. Keep talking. Bonus points if you’re talking during your lovemaking, and not just before or after.
  • Keep the romance alive. That starts outside the bedroom, guys. Helping out around the house? Yep. Date nights? Critical! Vacations? As much as you can.
  • Serve her first. You might be snickering at the reference here, but remember that it’s about mutual enjoyment here, not just yours.
  • Make a mental (or actual) note about your sexual wants and goals. Write your sexual goals on the bathroom mirror. Make her “special requests” your screensaver at work (with Safe For Work short code, that is). Heck, if you have to make a checklist of ways to set the mood and be more romantic, then do what you have to do.
  • Change things up. Like Nicole said in part one, “be” the sexual variety.

Keep Talking

Nothing here is revelatory, but my point–and Nicole’s–is simply to encourage you in creating an honest environment to talk about this awesome sex thing that God created. I mean, it’s awesome, right?!
It would be easy to just think that I lucked out and nabbed one of the rare women who understand male sexuality better than others. And it’s true–I did luck out. But that doesn’t mean I still don’t have a part to play in being honest with Nicole about my needs and wants. We try to mutually be intentional about our sex life, and I can promise you this: it makes a difference.
I know I’m not a pervert and I’m glad my wife does, too. Help your wife understand that you’re not one, either. You might even be surprised by what you learn about her along the way. In fact, I’d bet on it.
Men, what are some ways that you’ve gone about explaining your sexuality with your wives? What’s keeping you from being more open about your sexuality with her? What would you add–or remove–from the ideas above? Weigh in with your comments.
Women, do you feel you have a grasp on your husbands’ sexuality? If not, why? If so, how did you get there? What would you add to the list above? Does anything about the process of learning each other intimidate you? Why or why not? We’re all ears!

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

6 Ideas for Unified Prayer in Your Marriage

By Ryan Frederick


Prayer is a core part of the Christian life; naturally, it should extend to our most intimate relationship: marriage.
One author and theologian, Henri Nouwen says: “a spiritual life without prayer is like the gospel without Christ.”

Two common questions about prayer and marriage

People often write to ask about prayer in their marriage. These are two of the most common questions we receive:
Q: Why should I pray with my spouse?
A: For intimacy—with God and with your spouse.
Prayer is an indication of devotion and an expression of intimacy. When we pray together, we metaphorically and physically align ourselves (as a couple) and place our entire focus on God. Prayer unifies us in purpose as we express thanks and worship to God, bring our problems to Him, and ask Him for guidance.
Q: So… how do I pray with my spouse?
A: Honestly and humbly.
Praying can be tough to do together if you’ve never tried it. If you’re intimidated or unsure on how to pray with your spouse, try this:


6 ideas for unified prayer in your marriage

1: Hold hands.

Make sure to face each other and hold hands when you pray. It sounds obvious but it’s still worth mentioning. Holding hands is a physical way to express unity and closeness, and facing each other opens your posture toward one another.

2: Embrace silence.

Sometimes you don’t know what to say—that’s fine! It’s alright to be quiet and listen. Conversing with God involves Him talking to you as well. Additionally, filling the air with words for their own sake doesn’t make your prayers more likely to be heard. God hears every word!

3: Write down your prayer requests.

Keep a notebook handy or a note on your phone with a list of things you’re praying for. I’ve found that if I don’t write them down, I’m very likely to forget them when it’s finally time to pray. Your heavenly Father wants to hear your concerns and requests. Write them down and bring it ALL to Him, He’s big enough!

4: Pray for each other.

No one knows your spouse as well as you. Intercede on his/her behalf—for health, strength, wisdom, courage, anything.

5: Pray explicitly for your marriage.

Pray that you’ll grow closer as a couple. Pray for direction on how to serve Jesus together. Ask God for unity and clarity of vision. The last thing you want is to be divided.

6: Pray for your community.

Pray for your community and friends however you feel lead. Your time interceding on their behalf may spur thought on how you can minister in your community as a couple and as a family.

A marriage marked by prayer

This list is just a start—and it’s definitely not the most theologically robust. However, I hope it gets you thinking. For some couples, prayer is a completely new concept. For others, it’s a time tested necessity for their marriage. Either way, praying together with your spouse has an amazing way of taking your focus off of yourselves and placing it on Jesus.
We hope your marriage is one marked by communion with God, and prayer plays a vital role in building your trust and reliance on him.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

One Year After... (A must read)

One Year After This Husband Left His Wife For A Younger Woman, He Realized The Sobering Truth
By Caren Gibson

When an anonymous husband divorced from his wife, he traded her in for a younger, prettier version. He was, apparently, happy with this choice, content with giving up the mother of his children for someone who took more pride in her appearance. But then he saw his ex-wife on the street a year after their separation. It was only then that he realized what a terrible mistake he’d made.

The media often waves around the statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce. And while that figure’s not strictly untrue, it doesn’t necessarily tell the whole story. In fact, some believe that the divorce rate in the U.S. has actually fallen consistently for several years.

Whatever the truth, there are many reasons cited for those who do opt for divorce. Among the top ten factors for calling time on a marriage are finances, loss of identity and growing apart. For some, however, the reasons can be somewhat superficial.

Recently, a video has emerged of a man apparently stating why he left his wife. The confession, posted on the Hefty.co Facebook page, has received more than 37 million views since it was uploaded on April 18, 2017, and it contains a valuable lesson for everyone who has seen it.

In the video, the anonymous man begins, “A year ago I separated from my wife.” So far, his revelation is not that shocking;  after all, it’s still believed that a third of marriages may end in divorce. What follows, however, is a little more startling.

The nameless and faceless man proceeds to cite the reason for his failed marriage. He admits, “I left her for a younger, more attractive woman.” A rather shallow admission, indeed. He then goes on to describe how his wife had allegedly let herself go.


“My ex was flabby, unkempt, didn’t shave, and had droopy breasts,” he described, before adding, “I no longer found her attractive.” He clearly wasn’t pulling any punches. But while experts say that physical attraction isn’t the sole basis of a strong, lasting relationship, it is nonetheless still an important factor.

The man longed for the beautiful woman his wife had once been. Alas, he said, “Her now-faded beauty was only a memory.” It seemed this man had little hope of rekindling the passion in his failing marriage, and so he did what he thought was best for both of them and divorced her.


But the story takes a sudden and unexpected twist, not least for the now ex-husband. The man’s tale would continue 12 months down the line when he saw his ex-wife in the street. The video’s narrator goes on to say, “Today, exactly a year after I left her, I saw her again.”


What he had seen, however, was a different woman to the wife he divorced. He said, “She was glowing and had lost weight. She was once again beautiful. She no longer showed her wear-and-tear of the years.”

The woman he had seen in the street got him reflecting on the woman he had given up. He said, “Now I sit here and think about her extra pounds.” Was there any truth in the idea that more weight means there’s more to love? Then, a light bulb lit for the mystery man.


Reflecting on his new-found realization, he said, “She got cellulite because she no longer had time to go to the gym. She had to take care of the kids at home.” As if the penny had finally dropped, he realized his wife had, in fact, been putting her kids before herself.

Speaking of his epiphany, the man continued, “She didn’t have time to dress nicely. The little time that she did have, she gave to me and forgot to take care of herself.” The recognition of why his wife’s beauty had faded was finally understood.

Whereas, once upon a time, earlier in their relationship, his wife had time to make herself look good for her man, she now had a family to care for. In acknowledgement the man said, “Instead she changed diapers and breastfed until her breasts sagged, and she was proud of that.”

“And after all of the exertion from cooking, ironing and cleaning,” he continued, “she seemed to be happy with her family.” For the wife, sacrificing her own needs wasn’t even an issue. Taking care of her family was what happiness meant to her.

But then came the bombshell. Suddenly aware of what he had given up, the man said, “Now I know what it’s like to have a real woman at home.” It was, however, too late. He had made his choice to trade, and now his wife had moved on with her life.

Yes, there was now no way back. He had given up his wife and family for all the wrong reasons. And, although he now realized the error of his ways, he wasn’t in a position to do anything about it. All he could do was admit, “I was foolish to trade true beauty for the superficial.”


“I have lost this woman forever because I was unable to recognize and treasure the true worth of a dedicated housewife and mother. Now, someone else will do that.” And while it’s too late for this anonymous man, there’s clearly a lesson to be learned from his story.

Being a mom is the toughest job in the world. It’s 24/7, there are no days off and no sick leave. It requires a lot of stamina, hard work and dedication, with little, if any, time for oneself. The reward of taking care of the family is the payoff for all of them.


This man didn’t realize his wife’s worth as a mother, as a partner, as a best friend and as a soulmate until it was too late. Indeed, real beauty comes from within. What he saw on the outside as a woman who had let herself go was actually a woman who was putting her kids and her husband’s needs before her own. So, let’s hope that others learn from his message before they too make a similar mistake.

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Always Talk & See Progress

By Victor Odiong

Wow!!! I can't believe we are in the month of May already. Here is a piece of advice as we get into the new month, ALWAYS TALK AND SEE PROGRESS. It matters how you see. If you light a room with a red bulb, everything in the room will tend to appear red. Now, change the bulb to a green one and the same stuff that appeared red a few seconds ago suddenly appears green. My question is, what kind of light are you using to view your life? Do you see yourself as a victim or a Victor?  Victims whine and complain all the time. They are always telling everyone what they are going through. No matter how life blesses them, they always find something to complain about and they are always so eager to tell the world about it.

A Victor, on the other hand may be going through the same experience, but he never concentrates on the process. Rather, he is excited about his outcome, his end. You see, whatever you may think you are going through, it is just a process. It isn't the end. Joseph was sold by his brothers. Unknown to him, it was the process to the throne. It wasn't a thrilling experience, the process never is. When Jesus hung on the cross, that was the process not the end. The victory was not on the cross but at the resurrection. You never heard Joseph or Jesus complaining about how badly they had been mistreated by people they trusted. Winners never do. Winners understand that the process is part of the journey. 
So, quit complaining about the process. Be excited about the end. The Bible says that Jesus, because of the joy that was set before him endured the cross (Hebrews 12:2). People who complain about the process often miss out on opportunities.

My friend, it matters how you look. Look with hope. The devil wants you to whine and complain about how unfairly life has treated you. He wants you to talk about your pain and misery. Funny enough,  God isn't moved by such.

Enjoy the process. Even in prison, Joseph was still in charge. You couldn't keep him down. You didn't find him in a corner wallowing in self-pity, waiting for payback day on his brothers. He knew that wouldn't change anything.  That's one important fact complainers seem to forget, that complaining doesn't change anything. If you don't like where you are right now, then change it. If Joseph never went to jail, he would never have met the guy, who would later tell the king Joseph could interpret dreams. It was that single reference that made him prime minister over Egypt. That's why I said earlier that the process is part of the journey.

Never stay down.........even while in the process, you too can make the difference.
See you @ the top.

Friday, February 12, 2016

Your Husband is NOT a Pervert: Part 1



By Nicole Cottrell


It goes without saying that men are visual creatures. We know that “sex sells,” and one of the main reasons for that is because men are visual. It is not women who are usually buying sex, so to speak.
But if a woman could spend a day inside a man’s mind, would she be disgusted and horrified to find out just how much he actually thinks of sex? Would a wife, for instance, end up thinking her husband is a pervert? Probably. That’s how much the male mind focuses on sex.
The truth is, though: your husband is NOT a pervert. He is a man and, like every other man, his sexuality is quite simple to understand.Prager says men have 5 components of sexuality: the power of the visual, the immediacy of arousal, the tendency to sexually objectify women, the need for variety, and genital,–as opposed to emotional–arousal. Update: Many people, in the comments, were quick to point out, that these facts about male sexual nature are a result of the Fall, not God’s design. Thus both men and women’s sexual nature is a result of our sin, not God’s plan. Regardless of the origin of male nature, it is still his nature. I’m not debating how men came to be the way they are, but simply acknowledging the truth about their behavior.
Women often don’t like to talk about male sexuality, know nothing about it, or both. Sure, ladies understand that men like sex and want sex, maybe even that they have sex on the brain, but that’s about it. We never stop to understand that men have drastically different views  of sex than women. If women could begin to fully understand male sexuality, marriages could be transformed. It is that important.
Women who have been married only a month can testify to the fact that men are very visual. They can also testify to the second component of male sexuality: the immediate arousal of a man. Woman (although not all women) tend to more  like steam engines, as you add heat, they slowly speed up and gain momentum. Men tend to be more like sports cars–0 to 60 in 4.2 seconds.
The third point of male sexuality, however, is the male’s tendency to sexually objectify women. I don’t like thinking about this one. This area of male sexuality is where men can begin to look more like pigs than men. We can be quick to call men chauvinistic and the like, but not so when we consider the first two points:
If men are extremely visual and experience immediate arousal, it follows that they would also naturally see women as sex objects. This does not mean all men see allwomen as sex objects all the time. A man who is sexually fulfilled in a committed and loving marriage, I do not think is walking around objectifying women, but left to his own devices, he might be.
The goal for women is to understand that sexual objectification of women, by men, is natural. However, that does not mean it’s acceptable or necessary. The goal for a man, on the other hand, is to become more emotionally attached and connected to the woman he loves, so that he does not objectify her–or any other woman, for that matter.
Then we get into the male need for sexual variety. Wives especially do not like this area of discussion. I sure don’t. I don’t want my husband seeking out or experiencing “variety.” I want him to come home and experience his boring ‘ol wife every single day for the rest of his life. Hmm… see the conflict there? Men tend to sexually desire lots of different women. However, men sacrifice this  desire for variety and instead choose to commit themselves to one woman for the rest of their life in marriage. The desire for variety does not go away. The acting upon it does.
A wife’s response should be acknowledgment of this fact and thankfulness that he chose one woman to spend forever with–you. I know this might sound archaic, but it is true. A faithful married man is a treasure and a blessing, especially in a world so fraught with divorce and infidelity.
With this in mind, a wife’s response should also be to add variety. Do not be the boring ol’ wife. Be the confident, sexually comfortable, up-for-new things-and-not-the-same-old-bedroom-routine-wife. Be his sexual variety.
Lastly, men are aroused by genital contact, whereas women are more so aroused by emotional connectedness. This one is free for all my fellas out there: If you had an argument, any kind of bickering or disagreement in the last 24 hours with your wife, don’t expect sex unless those things have been resolved. Women want to feel like they are loved before sex. Men feel loved because of sex.
My hope for this post is to have men and women, husbands and wives, openly discuss their sexuality and how it affects their relationships as a whole. My other hope is that wives will take time to understand their husband’s sexual needs and wants, not chastise or judge them for it, and then use that knowledge to improve their sex life.
A good sex life is just like a good marriage. Faith aside, it is built upon trust and communication… and a little adventurous fun never hurt anyone, either.
If you’re a woman, have you embraced–or denied–these facts? What do you do to help you remember these things? If you’re a man, do you feel your wife understands your needs? What else would you add to the conversation?
And if you like this post be sure to check out Part 2, written by my very own husband, Jonathan, on how my understanding of his sexual nature has affected our marriage

Monday, January 25, 2016

Making Time for Making Love

Practical tips for a satisfying sex life
Making Time for Making Love
After a long day of taking care of three little boys, cooking, cleaning, and juggling work responsibilities, it was my time to rest. I ignored the subtle flirtations of my husband, Mike, hoping he would get the hint that I was not in the mood. I had reached the finish line.

As we were getting ready for bed, I changed into my PJs and he caught a glimpse of flesh. He looked at me amorously as if the act of changing my clothes was an invitation. I faced a fork in the road: Would I "do my wifely duty," or tell Mike what I was really thinking? I responded with a compromise: "We can do it as long as I don't have to be awake."
If this only happened once in a blue moon, our marriage could weather the storm. However, scenes like this were regular occurrences during our busy years of babies and toddlers. I began to dread sex. Although I loved my husband, I resented that he wanted my body and was encroaching on my rare moments of free time. I remembered hearing that sex was supposed to be a gift from God to a married couple. Frankly, I wanted a gift receipt so I could exchange it for something more useful.
Many young moms can relate to this scenario, as the number one barrier to sexual enjoyment for women is a lack of time and energy. Men often don't understand the mammoth endeavor it can be to switch from mommy mode to lover— who has time for sex when a screaming child is in the next room and dirty dishes are piled in the sink?

Why you can't put sex on the back burner


Study after study shows that sexual satisfaction and a healthy marriage go together. From a woman's perspective, we think, "Of course! If the marriage is good, the sex will be too." Men have a different approach: "How could marriage be good without great sex?" According to recent research, the guys actually have a point.
Oxytocin is the powerful bonding hormone that flows through your body in mass quantities when you have a baby. Oxytocin helps you to feel connected to your baby so you can endure the crazy years of toddlerhood. The power of oxytocin makes your baby the most beautiful creature in the world to you. Women have varying levels of oxytocin running through their bodies at any given time. You may get a surge of it when you have an intimate conversation with a friend or when your husband gives you a backrub.
Men are less endowed in the oxytocin department. Your husband will only have huge surges of the hormone at one time—after orgasm. Have you ever noticed that he acts more in love with you after sex? He thinks you are gorgeous with your hair sticking up and your morning breath. That's oxytocin!
I need my husband to be bonded with me. I need his attention and his help with the demands of children and life. God has designed a way for this to happen through sexual intercourse. It truly is how many men feel closest to their wives. Understanding the power of the chemicals involved in sex has given me a new appreciation for how critical it is to the health of our marriage. When I sense tension between my husband and me I often think, "That man needs some oxytocin!"
Yet, with all this information, it may seem like a monumental task to make sex a priority in your marriage. You may have legitimate barriers to overcome like body image issues, deep conflict with your husband, broken trust, wounds from sexual trauma or physical pain during sex. I don't want to make light of these painful circumstances. But often, great sex doesn't happen because it's simply not a priority.

How to make time for making love

Although you may never feel as tired as you do as a young mom, there will always be some reason to neglect sex in your marriage. Like anything else, it won't get better until you determine to change some things. Busy women find time to do what they deem important. They work out, go to Bible studies, volunteer in the classroom, and create elaborate scrapbooks. Is it time for you to make sex a priority? If so, here are some ways to make that happen.
1) Schedule sex
This might sound like the most unromantic idea on the planet, but spontaneous sex rarely happens in the busy years of raising kids. You need time to get your mind and body prepared to be intimate with your husband. If you simply wait until bedtime, the chances of you both being ready with energy at the same time are slim to none.
Couples "schedule sex" in different ways. Some actually put it on the calendar one to three times a week. Other couples agree that each of them will initiate at least once a week. My husband and I had a code word that he would use meaning, "Let's have sex sometime in the next 24 hours." Then I had the freedom to initiate within that time frame when it was good for me.
2) Think about sex
The bestselling book series Fifty Shades of Grey has proven one thing: women want to think about sex and feel sexually stimulated. I've read the series, and want you to know, please don't fall into the trap of erotica. It is pornography for women. Porn and erotica cause you to share your body with your husband, but stay hidden from him in your own secret fantasies.
A holy, erotic book called The Song of Solomon gives a Christian woman permission to fantasize and think about being sexual with her husband in a way that honors God. When you understand the symbolism of the book, you will be surprised by how specific, steamy, and erotic this book is—and it's in the Bible! If you are married, God wants you to think about sex, but to keep your fantasies and thoughts geared only toward your husband. The brain is the most powerful sex organ, especially for women.
3) Pray about Sex
God cares about your sex life. He understands the devastation of finding out your husband is looking at porn or has no interest in sex. He knows the pain of sexual trauma. He even cares about your exhaustion or depression. As a clinical psychologist, I've worked with many women through such barriers. While counseling can be a step in healing, God is the ultimate healer.
If your husband is willing, get on your knees together once a week and ask God to show you how to love each other sexually. Ask him to help you work through the barriers that cause division between you.
There are a lot of great things you can give your kids, but nothing compares to the foundation of growing up in a home in which mom and dad love each other. You may be sacrificing time and money to take them to play groups, sporting events, and music lessons, but remember: never work hard at being a mom at the expense of having a thriving marriage.